Preparing for a church wedding requires lists of arrangements, but one area often overlooked is premarital counseling.
Before tying the knot, couples should be aware many pastors are unanimous in their viewpoints on counseling. If a clergyman is expected to officiate, most require at least three meetings prior to the rehearsal and actual wedding ceremony.
And while getting the reception hall is important, their advice is to book the church and pastor for the wedding first, and then go from there in making additional plans.
Why pastors require counseling
Providing the tools necessary for a successful marriage in the sight of God is the motivation of most pastors.
Because nearly half of marriages end in divorce, ministers hope to give couples a base to build on with fundamental principles that will help them throughout their marriage.
While the number of sessions vary depending on the pastor, denomination and couple being married, the desire is that couples go into relationships for the right reasons.
According to All About Life Challenges, Christian premarital counseling is designed to teach couples what marriage entails according to God's word as stated in the Bible. When marital difficulty arises due to conflict or infidelity, a Christian marriage emphasizes a need to repent with renewed commitment to the marriage.
What pastors cover during counseling
Most courses involve a series of evaluations in areas of roles and relationships, financial issues and parenting models.
The main thing pastors want to know is why the couple wants to get married. There are certain words that are key to commitment and hearing those words offers clues to know where they are in their relationship.
Some religions have specific requirements. For example, Catholic churches require pre-marital counseling where both the Catholic bride and groom go through what is called a pre-Cana. It involves up to four months of preparation for marriage classes.
If either the bride or groom is not Catholic, the couple must attend a week-end engagement encounter. At this retreat-like environment, couples attend group sessions and then have time alone to work through assignments.
Most protestant ministers require pre-marital counseling before they will marry a couple with the average being about four meetings.
Some engaged Christian couples attend week-end Family Life Conferences sponsored by a branch of Campus Crusade for Christ, which held in various locations throughout the U.S.
Why Christian counseling is important to pursue
Even though couples may think they know everything they need for a lifetime commitment, often topics go undiscovered simply because of assumption.
Assumptions are made in areas from attentiveness to financial decisions. Things from deciding when to start a family to work issues can cause misunderstandings, so it's best to talk about these topics before they come up months afterwards.
Unfortunately, some couples would rather have someone else perform their marriage than go through counseling. What they don't realize is that every couple will eventually face hardships. It's how they handle those times that makes the difference in sticking together.
According to All About Life Challenges, a Christian wedding provides the "glue" that will help couples deal with conflict. It states Christian premarital counseling promotes sacrificial love and placing the needs of others before oneself. Christian marriages encourage couples to invite Jesus Christ to be their personal Savior as well as the third cord (Ecclesiastes 4:12).
Other counseling options
Couples not looking to get married by a pastor at a church are also encouraged to seek counseling before tying the knot.
Many forms of premarital counseling give instruction in dealing with basic topics like finances, child rearing and communication skills. Marriage and Family Therapist Lisa Brookes gives a breakdown of six important elements of premarital counseling.
Whether by choice or requirement, premarital counseling offers a variety of ways to build a strong relationship before marriage.
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